Two ladies where talking at the pub over beer. Anne, “I’m 28 years old and still cant find a truly committed man.” Myrna, “Have you tried checking with the mental hospital?”
An LGU official of Laguna met an accident and had an NDE (near death experience). Before St. Peter, she begged to be back on earth, saying she has many things to finish as an elected local official. The Lord heard her plea and gave her the chance to finish her job and told she will live to finish her works as a public official.
Back to her mortal body, the LGU official recovered and easily was back to her work. Then, she thought of having a make over of her face. She had her face fixed, even had a new nose.
Stepping out from the beauty shop, she got hit by a speeding car. For the second time, she faces St. Peter and complained. “The Lord promised I will live to finish my work on earth. Why am here now when I have barely started on my work,” the city lawmaker tells St. Peter.
St. Peter checking on the heavenly record asks the local lawmaker, there must be a mistake here. Your look does not match our records.
“I had my face fixed and also nose ,” the local lawmaker said.
St. Peter, ‘That explains it. Destiny mistook you for another.”
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An old lady tells her friends some men are like chocolates. They easily melt and do not last long.
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Do you know that Colonel Sanders was cited as example of a typical man. The three things he cares about are legs, breasts, and thighs.
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My advise to wives, the only way to make your husband love you and nobody else is to become his secretary.
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Wife tells her husband, “We’re not having any baby anymore.”
Husband: “I thought you wanted four kids. Why the change of heart?”
Wife: “Not anymore, I’ve just read on FB that every fourth child born in the world is Chinese.”
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Whenever I bring home new clothes for wife, I always win brownie points. The clothes will be in her favorite color and sized “petite”. I make sure to keep the receipt, though.
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How can you tell if the gift brought home to you by your husband is from out of deep concern or from guilt? The latter is always nicer.
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Two men talking in a bar. “At home, there is peace. It’s a ‘50/50’ deal between me and my wife. She cooks, I eat. She washes the clothes, I dirty them. She cleans the house, I mess it up,” says the first.
“ I envy you,” says the second, adding “In my case, I give my wife all my salary, that you’ll have to pay for our drinks.”
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